Friday, December 31, 2010

Happy New Year!

For the first time in a really long time I am...excited.  It feels like I could actually accomplish what I am setting my resolutions to be this year.  Forget those 'I am gonna lose 40 pounds by summer' wastes of breath, 'cause yeah, right.  I just love food too fucking much for that to ever happen.  Mmmmm, food.

Sorry...I get a little distracted at times.

It would probably be better for my medical problems if I were to lose some LB's, and I am doing better on choosing healthier options, but in NO way am I gonna ever be a SuperModelSize0...nope, that ship sailed two kids and a lot of family heredity ago.

So, what's got me all atwitter, you may ask?  Why, blog, of course.  Like I said when I started this one, I had one not too long ago, but it just sort away from me.  But, I was at a completely different place in my life at that time.  I honestly, and without hesitation, can admit that I believe that blog came in the middle of a nervous breakdown.

Very early in 2010, I suffered some personal loss...someone very close to me, just up and left and never looked back.  I can't say that that was a healthy relationship to begin with, but losing someone you love is never easy...and especially when you realize that love was never truly reciprocated.

Anyway, that is pretty much water over the bridge now...I can look on it almost now and not get that  ball in the pit of my stomach.  Yes, time heals all wounds.

Unfortunately, on the heels of that drama came a blow that I still catch myself reeling from...I have some major health issues.  I don't know how much of that I am gonna put on here, but there might come a time when I will have to purge the fear, so anyone reading, feel free to skip those posts. : )

Anyway, that health news was devastating.  It has utterly and completely changed my world and colors all that I do or say.  And, it's only getting worse.  So far, I have surprised the doctors by getting this far, but it has taken a corner lately and I am struggling to just keep all the pieces of my life from flying off into the ether.

There were other moments this year, but most of those were good-awesome-amazing and completely unfreakingbelievable and WAY overshadowed the other minor pains I suffered.  I met some wonderful people this year, became friends with others that, to this day, make me stop and pinch myself and ask 'how the fuck did that happen?'.  It's phenomenal, really, that it has happened at all. Crazy. But in a totally good way.

So, the new year is just hours away...2011, how weird is that?  2011.  It even looks strange.  Although so much of the future is up in the air and so far out of my control that it is laughable, I am going to make the most of it.  Life is precious and fleeting and I am gonna fight, tooth and nail, to be here just as long as I possibly can.  My children need a mom and I am sorry, but I AM NOT READY.  Not even close, bud.

This blog...this is going to be my sanctuary.  This is MY spot and I am going to make the most of it.  I want to fill it with all the things that I love- music, books, friends, stories.

Yes, this blog is going to be my haven and I am going to share it with the people I love and the things that make me happy.

Look out, 2011, I am about to bust you wide open!!!!

Auld Lang Syne~ Robert Burns

Should old acquaintance be forgot,
and never brought to mind ?
Should old acquaintance be forgot,
and old lang syne ?

For auld lang syne, my dear,
for auld lang syne,
we'll take a cup of kindness yet,
for auld lang syne.
And surely you’ll buy your pint cup !
and surely I’ll buy mine !
And we'll take a cup o’ kindness yet,
for auld lang syne.

We two have run about the slopes,
and picked the daisies fine ;
But we’ve wandered many a weary foot,
since auld lang syne.

We two have paddled in the stream,
from morning sun till dine† ;
But seas between us broad have roared
since auld lang syne.

And there’s a hand my trusty friend !
And give us a hand o’ thine !
And we’ll take a right good-will draught,
for auld lang syne.


LB said...

You bring tears to my out 2011- It's Monika's year! Fastening my seatbelt for a wild ride...

Havan said...

I will be with you every step of the way honey . . . holding you when you need it . . . busting knee-caps when required . . . cheering you on . . . and just plain old enjoying the ride cause I enjoy you! Love and wishes for both of us to reach 2012 unscathed and a tad bit smarter if that is even possible! *smiles*

Monika said...

Lee- Don't cry. I never want to make anyone cry. Just know that your faith is so very appreciated.

Havan- We are gonna take this year by storm. When you have good friends, anything is possible.

Just Call me RED! said...

GIRL!!!! You want to know the really cool part Monika? You have no clue how big of a ROCK STAR you are! I am truly tickled beyond measure that I found you and all of your tenacity. I really look forward to seeing what you have to say...cause its more than likely gonna make me laugh...or its gonna zap me with some much needed focus and intensity! HUGS!!! Thanks for being you!!!

Monika said...

Red...I don't even know what to say to that...thanks doesn't seem nearly enough, but it's all I have.

I am the one that is lucky to have found you.

Thanks for everything! *hugs and love*