Friday, December 31, 2010

Happy New Year!

For the first time in a really long time I am...excited.  It feels like I could actually accomplish what I am setting my resolutions to be this year.  Forget those 'I am gonna lose 40 pounds by summer' wastes of breath, 'cause yeah, right.  I just love food too fucking much for that to ever happen.  Mmmmm, food.

Sorry...I get a little distracted at times.

It would probably be better for my medical problems if I were to lose some LB's, and I am doing better on choosing healthier options, but in NO way am I gonna ever be a SuperModelSize0...nope, that ship sailed two kids and a lot of family heredity ago.

So, what's got me all atwitter, you may ask?  Why, blog, of course.  Like I said when I started this one, I had one not too long ago, but it just sort away from me.  But, I was at a completely different place in my life at that time.  I honestly, and without hesitation, can admit that I believe that blog came in the middle of a nervous breakdown.

Very early in 2010, I suffered some personal loss...someone very close to me, just up and left and never looked back.  I can't say that that was a healthy relationship to begin with, but losing someone you love is never easy...and especially when you realize that love was never truly reciprocated.

Anyway, that is pretty much water over the bridge now...I can look on it almost now and not get that  ball in the pit of my stomach.  Yes, time heals all wounds.

Unfortunately, on the heels of that drama came a blow that I still catch myself reeling from...I have some major health issues.  I don't know how much of that I am gonna put on here, but there might come a time when I will have to purge the fear, so anyone reading, feel free to skip those posts. : )

Anyway, that health news was devastating.  It has utterly and completely changed my world and colors all that I do or say.  And, it's only getting worse.  So far, I have surprised the doctors by getting this far, but it has taken a corner lately and I am struggling to just keep all the pieces of my life from flying off into the ether.

There were other moments this year, but most of those were good-awesome-amazing and completely unfreakingbelievable and WAY overshadowed the other minor pains I suffered.  I met some wonderful people this year, became friends with others that, to this day, make me stop and pinch myself and ask 'how the fuck did that happen?'.  It's phenomenal, really, that it has happened at all. Crazy. But in a totally good way.

So, the new year is just hours away...2011, how weird is that?  2011.  It even looks strange.  Although so much of the future is up in the air and so far out of my control that it is laughable, I am going to make the most of it.  Life is precious and fleeting and I am gonna fight, tooth and nail, to be here just as long as I possibly can.  My children need a mom and I am sorry, but I AM NOT READY.  Not even close, bud.

This blog...this is going to be my sanctuary.  This is MY spot and I am going to make the most of it.  I want to fill it with all the things that I love- music, books, friends, stories.

Yes, this blog is going to be my haven and I am going to share it with the people I love and the things that make me happy.

Look out, 2011, I am about to bust you wide open!!!!

Auld Lang Syne~ Robert Burns

Should old acquaintance be forgot,
and never brought to mind ?
Should old acquaintance be forgot,
and old lang syne ?

For auld lang syne, my dear,
for auld lang syne,
we'll take a cup of kindness yet,
for auld lang syne.
And surely you’ll buy your pint cup !
and surely I’ll buy mine !
And we'll take a cup o’ kindness yet,
for auld lang syne.

We two have run about the slopes,
and picked the daisies fine ;
But we’ve wandered many a weary foot,
since auld lang syne.

We two have paddled in the stream,
from morning sun till dine† ;
But seas between us broad have roared
since auld lang syne.

And there’s a hand my trusty friend !
And give us a hand o’ thine !
And we’ll take a right good-will draught,
for auld lang syne.

Thursday, December 30, 2010

Mood "Muse"ic...

I'm not certain when I became aware of it, consciously, at any rate, but it just seems that music has always been a driving force in my life.  I've lived with the stories, told by my mom, of me dancing in my crib before I could even walk.  Pulling up to anything I could, shaking my little diapy-covered bum whenever I was within hearing distance of music.  Didn't matter if it was a commercial, my older brother's Allmon Brothers wailing from his bedroom, or just my mom singing something that was stuck in her head.

Music has always moved me.  And, I shouldn't be surprised how it continues to influence who I am.

I am an equal-opportunity music lover.  Oh, don't get me wrong, I do have my favorites *cough*LadyGagaDuranDuran*cough*, but I love and appreciate all types of music.  I am not one of those that can only appreciate country or heavy metal.  I see value and talent in all forms of music.  Perhaps it's because I am musically inclined myself.  Not gifted, but I can pick at a tune on a piano; I know intrinsically how the bridge of a song will play out.  This drives the hubs crazy.  LOL  He can play his favorite Mexican music, something surely I have never heard before, and I can hum right along as if I have heard it a hundred times.  Yeah, that's fun to do and watch his face...sorry, I can't help it. :P

My iTunes is a mess; no rhyme or reason.  It's nothing to put it on shuffle and go from DeBussy's Clair de Lune straight into AC/DC's Hell's Bells to bluegrass standards to Top 40 pop.

So, as I look at my files of ideas and things I have written, have left half finished, notes on others that I want to do...I shouldn't be surprised that they are all influenced by music.

I think I would like to share some of these...maybe the few of you that might read this, could give me feedback to see if it's worth my time to keep pursuing this dream to become a writer.  I dunno.  Everyone needs a dream, right?  : )

Soooo....the first I will share now.  It's the only completely 'complete' thing I have, everything else is just in stages, but this is also the first thing I ever wrote when I decided I really wanted to give it a shot.  It is embarrassingly m/f, self-indulgent and probably too maudlin to ever put out anywhere.  But, I am proud of it none the less.

"Something to Remind Me"
 I heard this song one day on the radio during the 80's flashback lunch hour...yeah, I want to know how that happened?  When did the 80's become the oldies but goodies?  Gah.

Anyway, I hadn't heard it in ages, and had always loved it, back in the day.  But, this time, it was just the weirdest thing, the story idea came to me in one of those weird flashes, like watching a movie in my head.  I had never had anything like that happen to me...hadn't actually thought about writing for years, but there it was...a beautiful, poignant, heartbreaking story just laid out in front of me.

The story doesn't have anything to do with the video, it's the feeling of the song...that something that is left behind when a love is lost.  It's the story of Cam and Chloe who fall in love at a young age, only to be separated by terrible lies and their own stubbornness.  It spans the 15 years and their struggles to come to terms with losing each other, but eventually a death reveals the lies and it seems that they can finally have their happy ending, but fate is a cruel mistress.

I don't think anyone would ever publish this, it does not have that Harlequin happy ending, but it is the only ending I could give it.  It was the ending that I wrote first, right after hearing the song.  It was so touching, I cried as I wrote it...and I still get choked up thinking about it.

I have a whole slew of unfinished projects, all of which have a song related to them in some way, but I won't bore you with them... this time.

: )

Wednesday, December 29, 2010

All You Need is Now...

A new year is just around the corner, literally.  Reading everyone's new blogs has lit a fire under me to start again.  I had one for several months, but just let it get away from me, but with all I have going on with my personal life, it's probably a good idea to have a place to go when I need to let it all out.  If someone reads it, that's just bonus.

But, I am gonna do this one for me.  I have so many new ideas, and so much extra time to work on them, perhaps this can be my own kick in the ass to get things done.

All we really need is now, because, let's face's all we've got.

To 2011...bring it on!!!!